i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I look better un-naked...
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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