he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
