Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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