So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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