I'm pants shitting drunk right now
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize