Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
