marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
