escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
