There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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