I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
