The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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