Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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