I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
