i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
we should paint friendship bongs
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
