I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize