Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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