white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
