I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm like, not good at living.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You are a genius and a whore.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
