yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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