oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Randomize
