:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
