I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
All I want is dick and wine.
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