hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
