Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
