my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
