just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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