i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
