I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
