I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
