I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
