He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
