that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
