Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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