Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
