i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
