I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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