if i can run in heels then i can drive
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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