Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize