Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
