I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
