sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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