i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
