Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
