something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
