can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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