Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize