You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My balls are so social today.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
