last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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