Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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