Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
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