you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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