Dual....:-)
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
being pregnant is like rehab
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
