I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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