Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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