I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize