If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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