Girls should come with a carfax report
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
