Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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