I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
