Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
