I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
