Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize