hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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