help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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