so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
