hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize