I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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