Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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