Me. At least after what I've been through.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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